Use only as directed

Some of the instructions and warnings on the Bayou Classic boiler/steampot that Jessa got me for Yule:

• Sober adult operation ONLY!
• ALWAYS operate in an open area a minimum of 10-ft from buildings, trees, and overhangs.
• NEVER use under any roof or overhang.
• NEVER allow children or pets near the cooking area during and after use.
• NEVER! No barefeet [sic] or sandals while cooking.
• ALWAYS wear protective mitts, gloves, goggles and long sleeve clothing when cooking.

I can see the logic behind each and every one of these admonitions, but let's be honest: Everyone knows the crabs, crawfish, shrimp, etc. will be cooked under the carport with a passel of kids and dogs running underfoot. The cook will be wearing shorts, T-shirt, and flip-flops—well, shorts, anyway—and drinking beer. That's just how it's done. That's arguably how it should be done.

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

—William Shakespeare