We hae meat, and we can eat

Just in time for Burns Night!

Scotland has its haggis. England and Ireland have their black pudding. And the American mid-Atlantic, where I hail from, has scrapple.

Like its transatlantic relatives, scrapple is one of those don't-read-the-label foodstuffs—delicious, but you might be happier not knowing where it comes from or how it's made. I love the stuff; my grandparents served it all the time, and when I lived near Baltimore but travelled to the Eastern Shore for work, I made a habit of stopping in at Holly's Restaurant in Grasonville, just the other side of the Bay Bridge, for a big breakfast that always featured a few slabs of scrapple alongside my scrambled eggs—with Old Bay, if you please. Damn it, I'm getting hungry now...

The most popular brand in Charm City is RAPA, made in Bridgeville, Delaware but found in stores throughout Delaware and Maryland. The company name, RAPA, is an acronym commemorating its founders, brothers Ralph and Paul Adams. But one day many years ago, apparently while playing the dice game Ten Thousand, my own brother and I compiled a list of alternate acronyms. Somehow or another that list, on lined yellow paper and backed by a scoresheet documenting that Greg beat me two games out of three on that particular day, turned up recently. And here it is:

We started off with a few basic definitions...

     Residual Animal Products Associated

     Revolting Animal Parts Accumulated 

     Rejected Anatomy Processed Artificially

...before venturing into what could be construed as slander.

     Rat And Pig Amalgamation 

     Rodents: Agricultural Problem Abated

(I'd like to point out to RAPA and their attorneys that this was all in fun; that I do in fact enjoy their product; and that I may be placing an order soon if I can convince the andouille- and boudin-loving New Orleanian with whom I share my name, my home, and my finances that there is room in both the grocery budget and the chest freezer if there could only be room in her heart...)

Soon we got back on track with another definition:

     Rare Assemblage of Porcine Anatomy

...followed by...handling instructions?

     Refrigerate After Pig Asphyxiates

Eventually we realised that this was

     Really A Poor Acronym

...perhaps of the sort favoured by

     Radical Anti-Pork Activists

And finally, a last, skeptical consideration of a purely hypothetical ingredient listing:

     Really? A Pig's Arsehole?

So there you have it. Scotland has Bobby Burns and his "Address to a Haggis"; Baltimore has the Churchill boys and their stupid Top Ten list. But though the Scots win handily on literary merit, I'll put scrapple up for consideration as "Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!"